Love and hate are potent feelings which can overwhelm you, often just when your emotions can least afford the upset. For example, how often have you experienced the following situations?
- Feelings of love interfere with your concentration at work.
- You love (and sometimes hate) a person who doesn’t love you.
- You hate your boss or a colleague.
- You’re jealous of the attention given to a person you love.
- You love a person working nearby, but fear acting upon your feelings.
- You were in a relationship until yesterday when your partner said, Enough!
Love at your workplace can be exciting, depressing, challenging, and frustrating. Hate can be infuriating and disturbing. Love, hate and other strong emotions such as jealousy can produce havoc during your work days, not to mention your evenings and nights. While the workplace has been a well-respected place for people to meet, chat and possibly even forge long-term relationships, management generally looks disapprovingly upon love-struck workers who are spending more time pining than producing. Bosses are even less impressed with workers who are are overwhelmed with jealousy and hate. The question is, how do you experience these common emotions and deal with them constructively while also getting on with your job? This will focus upon the following topics: concentrating upon your work while being in love; dealing with despair following a love affair termination; and handling jealousy and hate.
Concentrating on work when in love
Falling in, and possibly out of love can be very significant emotional experiences. The Hollywood image of the love-struck individual lost in a daze might seem overstated, but for those who have been in love, you will know the problems—excitement, exhilaration, poor concentration and questionable performance (at work, that is), to mention but a few reactions.
I recently saw a young female journalist, Chris, who was in love, but with two men. Not surprising, the strain on her emotions produced a wide array of reactions. She became chronically indecisive, occasionally depressed, at times exhilarated but often confused. She tossed and turned during her restless nights and lost her appetite. At work, she became apathetic and ineffectual.
Fortunately for Chris, her restlessness, confusion and other problems did not persist more than a few weeks. Quite unexpectedly, one of the men was offered an overseas job and he packed up and left. His sudden departure was a bitter-sweet solution to the dilemma. Chris‘ ego was slightly deflated that the job took precedence over her; but, on the other hand, fate had resolved her indecision. The editors were happy to see the long-awaited articles and their threats of ‘produce or else’ were rescinded.
Most people will not have to contend with the problem of two concurrent love affairs as did Chris. However, for those who find themselves in love and who have to still produce at work, the following suggestions may help to get you through each day.
- If your work productivity is seriously affected, consider explaining your circumstances to your boss. Being in love is a natural situation and it is generally better that your boss knows what is happening.
- Structure your time tightly so that you have specific tasks and clear cut goals throughout the day. Knowing what you want to get done in the next fifteen minutes is one way of keeping your mind from straying.
- Concentrate your love-prone thoughts into several five minute periods during the day. Do not let love thoughts infiltrate and distract you at other times.
- When phone calls are your major communication link, limit them to coffee breaks or lunch breaks. Tying the swithchboard up with yet another call to or from X can antagonise the firm.
- Keep news of your relationship under wraps except for very trusted friends. Gossip mongers can make life miserable for the love-struck individual.
- Exercise regularly to vent the accumulated emotional steam which can build up. Get out of the office at lunch time and take a brisk thirty minute walk.
- If these self-control strategies do not work, then speak with a trusted friend or professional helper.
Some of the above measures might sound Draconian, but they can help to preserve the quality of your work and possibly even your job. Love is an enjoyable emotional state, but one which needs careful control at work.
While being in love can be a major distraction and an emotional obsession, so can terminating a relationship. If your relationship is in distress and you believe it is best to end it (or you think your partner wants to end it), how can you press ahead with your work and still survive?
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