Do Not Score Points
Conciliatory gestures always place the person offering them in a vulnerable position. His Other is presented with an opportunity to take advantage of the open, non- defensive comment to ’score a point’.
When the Other offers a conciliatory gesture, you should not yield to the temptation to score. Do not take advantage of your Other’s vulnerability, even if he takes advantage of yours. Rejecting the Other’s efforts to conciliate is a common retaliatory tactic used during ordinary arguments. But doing so damages trust and widens the gap to be bridged. The Dialogue is not an ordinary argument. For many people, scoring points may be an old bad habit; try not to do it. ..more
