The purpose of planning the context, is to create a setting for effective communication.
Location
A private place that is free from interruptions should be selected. Importantly, phone calls and people walking in should be prevented. Even music should be eliminated. Moving objects or people are visual distractions. The meeting should occur in a private room that other people will not inadvertently enter. A place where neither person feels on home turf, or a site preferred by your Other is best.
At the workplace, Dialogues are best held in small conference rooms that can be reserved, or in vacant offices. Your or the Other’s office is an alternative choice, if you are certain that interruptions can be prevented.
At home, any comfortable room in the house is OK. It’s best if no one else is home at the time, and the phone should be answered by a recording device or left off the hook.
Physical Comforts
Discomforts distract. Soft chairs or couches are better than less comfortable seating. Temperature, lighting, and thirst are possible distractions. Serving or eating food during the meeting is not advised, but you may want to keep non-alcoholic liquids nearby.
Duration
If you and your Other habitually abide by the Cardinal Rules during routine communication, then a special lengthy Dialogue may often be unnecessary.
Length of the Dialogue is a crucial factor. It is essential that enough time is available so that the Breakthrough can be reached. If this point of natural closure has not yet occurred when the agreed time period expires, then the meeting may not have helped.
Although some discussions require only a half-hour or less, it is often unwise to begin a Dialogue if you know that you will have to stop so soon. Two hours is usually more than enough. To be safe, you may wish to allot plenty of time.
It is helpful if both people have realistic expectations about the meeting. Each should understand that most of the time in discussion may be spent in frustrating struggle. The Breakthrough and the dealmaking that follow take only a short time, but the difficult and often discouraging effort that precedes it is a necessary part of the journey. You must know this fact and trust its truth, even if your Other does not.
If you are at all doubtful about the strength of your resolve to stay in stressful confrontation with your Other long enough to reach the Breakthrough (that is, your commitment to Cardinal Rule #1). The behavioural science explanations for why this persistence pays off may be reassuring.
Confidentiality
The privacy of things you both say in this meeting should be respected. Rumours only inflame conflict and undermine success.
At the workplace, the agreement you make may become an announced job activity that is known to colleagues. Also, the fact that the two of you have met to discuss a problem may become common knowledge among co-workers. Still, details of the discussion leading up to the deal-making need not be disclosed.
As the initiator of this Method, you have direct control only over your own part in maintaining confidentiality. You can do little to influence your Other’s behaviour beyond requesting that he afford you the same consideration. If you are unsure about his ability or willingness to do this, you may want to be especially mindful of what you disclose during the Dialogue.
Interruptions
Absolutely none! Make arrangements to have incoming phone calls intercepted by a secretary, or answered by a telephone answering machine. Also, arrange to avoid interruptions by colleagues at work, and by children or friends at home.
Timing
The time of day or time of week can affect energy level, attentiveness, and distractibility during your discussion. The rule of thumb is: ‘Find a time when you both are not too tired or preoccupied with other concerns.’
Who Else Is Present?
No one.
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