Dodo Loves Marketing

LEVEL 2: CLASHES

The central message is designed to help us manage differences in good relationships. Clashes happen in good relationships.

Despite our best efforts, Annoyances sometimes accumulate and grow into Clashes. How do we know when the line has been crossed? Indications are:

• Repeated arguments about the same issue, perhaps spread over days or weeks.
• Arguing over an increasing number of issues.
• Feeling less co-operative toward the Other.
• Feeling less trusting of the Other’s honest good will toward us.
• Remaining angry at the Other for a longer period, perhaps hours or days.
• Beginning to privately question the value of the relationship. ..more
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Some conflicts are hardly noticeable as they ebb and flow through our daily social encounters. Others grow into intense disputes that spawn interpersonal tragedies. The severity of conflict ranges from insignificant Annoyances through a middle range of Clashes to severe Crises that threaten the life of the relationship.

Just as a golfer selects the proper club for the shot, and a mechanic chooses the right tool for the job, different levels of conflict call for different strategies. ..more

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Do Not Score Points

Conciliatory gestures always place the person offering them in a vulnerable position. His Other is presented with an opportunity to take advantage of the open, non- defensive comment to ’score a point’.

When the Other offers a conciliatory gesture, you should not yield to the temptation to score. Do not take advantage of your Other’s vulnerability, even if he takes advantage of yours. Rejecting the Other’s efforts to conciliate is a common retaliatory tactic used during ordinary arguments. But doing so damages trust and widens the gap to be bridged. The Dialogue is not an ordinary argument. For many people, scoring points may be an old bad habit; try not to do it. ..more

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Performing your two tasks within the recommended structure and context of the discussion releases energy that is bound up in conflict. This produces a shift in attitudes from me-against-you to us-against-the-problem.

THE STRUCTURE

The meeting consists of four parts: The Opening, the Invitation, the Dialogue, and the Breakthrough. Let’s flesh out the skeleton with examples of how each part may be performed. ..more

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Simply engaging in face-to-face conversation in the appropriate context while complying with the Cardinal Rules helps people manage their differences and build more satisfying relationships.

But the sceptical reader is asking, ‘What about skills? Aren’t special skills needed in the Dialogue?’

How old are you? You have that many years’ experience in the school of life. You have learned more than you may realise about how to communicate, about how to get along with others. Of course, we also learn ineffective communication patterns along with more positive skills. But, on balance, most adults who are able to maintain friendships, hold jobs, join groups, and survive the crucible of family life possess sufficient communication skills. ..more

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Reality-Testing

Unless perceptions are tested against objective reality (what the Other really means), inaccuracies can grow. Talking together tests the accuracy of our perceptions against the replies of our partner. Effective day-to-day management of interpersonal differences requires conversation.

When interdependency is high and time for communication is limited, the burden on both persons’ abilities to efficiently check out perceptions is heavy. Being busy people, time is seldom so abundant that the burden of reality-testing does not occasionally exceed our abilities to communicate, to hear and understand the Other. ..more

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This desire for peace is surely understandable, but it can lead to trouble. If unchecked, the hope for conflict to disappear brings the expectation that if mediation is successful, my client’s relationship will be free of conflict in the future. If that is my mission, I am doomed to failure.

A Fantasy

Our fantasy is that conflict should be absent in ‘good’ relationships. We regard conflict as a social disease, and assume that there must be a cure. ..more

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The purchase incidence of toys, games, and dolls has been up and down since 2000, ranging from 45 percent in 2000 to 54 percent in 2001 and 50 percent in 2003. While children represent the core user market for toys, more adults are buying toys, not just for kids, but for their own playtime. Toys are popular adult collectibles, and more toy companies are recognizing that adults, just like their kids, want to play with toys. ..more

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About one-fifth of households reported buying a figurine or sculpture in 2007, about the same as in 2003. A popular gift item for collectors, figurines often carry a greeting or social expression that makes them perfectly suited to gifting or as a remembrance. Figurines have been popular collectibles in the past, with lines such as Precious Moments and Hummel passed from generation to generation. But today, figurine collectibles are looked upon with disdain by many as something that one’s grandmother liked, but not something for me. ..more

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If you want to be sure of creating the best impression you might decide to hire an interior designer. Alternatively, Laura Ashley charge £500 for a styling consultation for three rooms, refundable against purchases of £500 or more. At the most basic level:

• Rooms in one neutral colour, particularly white and cream look larger than their actual size. ..more
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There are thousands of successful businesses that started on kitchen tables. Laura Ashley, for instance, started as a ‘corner of the kitchen‘ business and went on to make millions. However, just because a business starts on the kitchen table doesn’t mean it should end there. If you intend to spend ten hours a day at work, then it makes sense to give some thought and time to the environment you work in. If you plan to entertain clients, then making sure your office is presentable is even more important. ..more

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Just under one-third of households (30 percent) bought lamps and lighting accessories in 2003, about equal to the purchase incidence in 2001. While lighting is an essential component of everyday life, it also serves a decorative function, with lamps being a key decorative accessory. The effects of lighting are a key element for creating a mood of peacefulness and harmony in the home. People buy lamps and lighting as much for need as desire, making them essential yet discretionary. ..more

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In 2003, just under half of U.S. households (48 percent) bought picture frames, a slight decline from the 52 percent. With more people buying digital cameras and thus having new pictures to display in their homes and offices, the picture frame industry has responded by offering new designs in frames that add visual interest and contribute to the overall presentation. Appreciative consumers are spending more on picture frames as a result. ..more

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It is a sad fact of life that most small businesses require capital to start up. There are a few businesses which require only the minimum of equipment and stationery (journalism, PR and teaching, for instance), but most will require some form of outlay either for equipment, for stock or both. Then there are other considerations. You may need a budget for advertising, for accountancy and legal fees, or even for adapting your living room.

Before you even try to raise money, it is well worth thinking about the minimum amount needed. If the business is in the fledgling stage, try to keep only to the bare essentials — there will be time for a mahogany desk and state-of-the-art printer at a later, more successful stage. ..more

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• First, do your homework. Find out if anyone else in the organization is working — or has worked — from home. Your union as well as the personnel department may know. If so, arrange to have a drink or meeting with them, to find out how they tackled the subject, how the arrangement works or, if it has stopped, why it ended.

• When I decided to move to the Isle of Bute, in Scotland, I thought I’d have to leave the bank,’ says Kevin Attwood, Strategic Planning Development Officer for Nat West who now works two days from home, and three in London. ‘In fact, I kept the move so quiet that when I told my boss I’d moved to Scotland over the weekend, he was flabbergasted. When we had lunch I said flippantly, that if I’d got my act together I would have come up with a strategic plan for teleworking. He told me to come up with a proposal. I rung up people in the bank who were already working from home some of the time and talked to them extensively before coming up with my plans. Listening to their experiences helped me make a convincing proposal.’ ..more
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Congratulations ! Now you will have to consider the nitty-gritty of arrangements necessary for your new working style to develop smoothly. The union for skilled and professional workers MSF have introduced some guidelines for homeworkers to ensure their health and safety at work. They may be a counsel of perfection — particularly if you are only working at home on a very part-time or informal basis — but they are worth bearing in mind. They include : ..more

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Even if you know that your job is 100 per cent suited to working from home, you still need to ask yourself some hard questions about whether your personality is suitable for homeworking. See the quiz or ask yourself briefly :

How suitable am I for homeworking? If you get a buzz from being with people, love to be in the thick of things and can remember just who’s dating who in which department, homeworking may not be right for you. The same applies if much of your social life is based around the office or your place in the hierarchy is very important to you. On the other hand, if you are a self-starter, enjoy your own company in limited doses and find it easy to concentrate, you may be well placed to work from home. Confidence in your ability, self-discipline, a good network of local social contacts and enough space to work are all vital for a homeworker. ‘I thought that I would spend more time working at home than I actually did,’ says Ken Davey, who initiated Mercury Communications flexible work project. ‘I used it for writing reports and initiating strategy, but I came to realize how much of my job depended on interacting with colleagues.’ ..more

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If you are fully employed by a company or on a contract, this will not be an issue for you apart from the initial negotiation of your terms and conditions. However, if you are self-employed, there is no doubt that lack of security is a major issue and it may be one that will never be completely resolved. This is because however successful you become, there will always be good times and mediocre - if not bad - times, and as the owner of the business, you will take the brunt of this. However, there are ways you can minimize the lack of security experienced by self-employed homeworkers : ..more

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Harmonious and productive working relationships exist primarily because the needs of the individuals in the work team are being met. For some, there may be a need to remain quiet and removed so that they can get on with their work. For others, however, there may be a need to forge closer ties and warmer relationships with workmates. As long as the aims of the employing body are being met, then these varying needs of the work team members can be tolerated.

Problems occur, however, when this reciprocating system of need/satisfaction gets unbalanced. If one or more people want to satisfy needs which are outside the aims of the employing body or antagonistic to the other work team members, then problems occur. For example, if one person wants to manipulate the work schedule to ensure more flexitime at the expense of the others, then that person can expect some resultant turmoil in the group. As work team members often spend more time with each other than they do with their own family members, it is important to maintain positive and effective work relationships. Let’s look at several ways relationships at work can be enhanced and made more harmonious and productive. ..more

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At risk of dwelling upon the negativities of relationships, it is important to consider two very strong and most upsetting emotional states—hate and jealousy.

Most of us have experienced hate (many loving relationships have a subtle or not-so-subtle hate component). As for jealousy, you will most probably know someone, if not yourself, who is predisposed to this strong emotional state.

Let me briefly mention the case of Michael, an architectural draughtsman who is married to Lisa. Michael comes from a close-knit Southern European family and married Lisa, an attractive Australian lass, when they were both in their early twenties and when both were socially and sexually inexperienced. Even though Michael is bright, well-qualified and successful in his job, he nevertheless is pathologically jealous of his wife and any association she might have with other men. ..more

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