Dodo Loves Marketing

I am a big believer in reshuffling and reconfiguring my offering during the negotiation phase. I will never simply discount my price, but I will, as suggested in the earlier question, throw out a different price to determine whether or not it will work for the prospect. Once I determine that it will, I will go back to the drawing board and redraw and rearrange my offering, taking elements out and putting new elements in, so that I can find a new and different mix that will work for this prospect in this situation. ..more

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LEVEL 2: CLASHES

The central message is designed to help us manage differences in good relationships. Clashes happen in good relationships.

Despite our best efforts, Annoyances sometimes accumulate and grow into Clashes. How do we know when the line has been crossed? Indications are:

• Repeated arguments about the same issue, perhaps spread over days or weeks.
• Arguing over an increasing number of issues.
• Feeling less co-operative toward the Other.
• Feeling less trusting of the Other’s honest good will toward us.
• Remaining angry at the Other for a longer period, perhaps hours or days.
• Beginning to privately question the value of the relationship. ..more
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Do Not Score Points

Conciliatory gestures always place the person offering them in a vulnerable position. His Other is presented with an opportunity to take advantage of the open, non- defensive comment to ’score a point’.

When the Other offers a conciliatory gesture, you should not yield to the temptation to score. Do not take advantage of your Other’s vulnerability, even if he takes advantage of yours. Rejecting the Other’s efforts to conciliate is a common retaliatory tactic used during ordinary arguments. But doing so damages trust and widens the gap to be bridged. The Dialogue is not an ordinary argument. For many people, scoring points may be an old bad habit; try not to do it. ..more

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Simply engaging in face-to-face conversation in the appropriate context while complying with the Cardinal Rules helps people manage their differences and build more satisfying relationships.

But the sceptical reader is asking, ‘What about skills? Aren’t special skills needed in the Dialogue?’

How old are you? You have that many years’ experience in the school of life. You have learned more than you may realise about how to communicate, about how to get along with others. Of course, we also learn ineffective communication patterns along with more positive skills. But, on balance, most adults who are able to maintain friendships, hold jobs, join groups, and survive the crucible of family life possess sufficient communication skills. ..more

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WRITTEN

Normally, agreements are more complicated than simple yes-or-no decisions or other easy-to-remember solutions. Recording Deals in mutually acceptable terms will help protect against selective memory loss in the future. Each person should keep copies of the written document. Sometimes questions arise in the future about what was in fact agreed to. The written document is objective evidence that can help answer such questions. ..more

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The problem does not have to be solved for the conflict to be resolved.

`Hogwash!’ you exclaim. ‘That doesn’t make sense!’ Let’s take a closer look.

Many people find it surprising that the path to harmony winds through a jungle where anger, resentment and similar ‘negative’ feelings flourish.

A Lesson from Psychology

One of the most common tasks of psychotherapists is to help clients become aware of their repressed anger, and to aid them in learning to express it in non-destructive, non-violent, healthy ways in appropriate situations. Seldom do therapists find it suitable to help their clients suppress angry feelings. Repressed anger is a major cause of neurosis, particularly depression, and poisons interpersonal relationships. ..more

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Reality-Testing

Unless perceptions are tested against objective reality (what the Other really means), inaccuracies can grow. Talking together tests the accuracy of our perceptions against the replies of our partner. Effective day-to-day management of interpersonal differences requires conversation.

When interdependency is high and time for communication is limited, the burden on both persons’ abilities to efficiently check out perceptions is heavy. Being busy people, time is seldom so abundant that the burden of reality-testing does not occasionally exceed our abilities to communicate, to hear and understand the Other. ..more

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This desire for peace is surely understandable, but it can lead to trouble. If unchecked, the hope for conflict to disappear brings the expectation that if mediation is successful, my client’s relationship will be free of conflict in the future. If that is my mission, I am doomed to failure.

A Fantasy

Our fantasy is that conflict should be absent in ‘good’ relationships. We regard conflict as a social disease, and assume that there must be a cure. ..more

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The plan that you use must be:

• clear and specific in its content
• easily understood by all who use or see it
• capable of accepting changes at both a detailed and broad level, and
• capable of being used to monitor what’s actually happening.

The simplest forms of the project plan that will do this for you are:

The Gantt chart, and The Critical Path network. ..more

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In a process-orientated company, many of these new performance indicators used in benchmarking and elsewhere are non-financial. That is, they will focus management’s attention upon the truly critical areas of performance — i.e. those that drive profitability and align the business unit with its strategic goals. In the case of marketing logistics, we might expect to see metrics that capture such things as customer satisfaction, flexibility and employee commitment. Management meetings should therefore begin their agenda not with the financial review — that will come later — but with a review of non-financial performance indicators. These will necessarily differ between organisations, but may include: ..more

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If you want to be sure that you have started with the right three talents, study your best in the role. This may sound obvious, but beware: conventional wisdom would advise the opposite.

Conventional wisdom asserts that good is the opposite of bad, that if you want to understand excellence, you should investigate failure and then invert it. In society at large, we define good health as the absence of disease. In the classroom, we talk to kids on drugs to learn how to keep kids off drugs and delve into the details of truancy to learn how to keep more kids in school. ..more

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Everyone has talents—recurring patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior that can be applied productively. Simply put, everyone can probably do at least one thing better than ten thousand other people. However, each person is not necessarily in a position to use her talents. Even though she might initially have been selected for her talents, after a couple of reshuffles and lateral moves, she may now be miscast.

If you want to turn talent into performance, you have to position each person so that you are paying her to do what she is naturally wired to do. You have to cast her in the right role. ..more

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To help him prepare, ask him to write down answers to these three questions before each meeting:

A. What actions have you taken? These should be the details of his performance over the last three months. He should include scores, rankings, ratings, and timelines, if available

B.What discoveries have you made? These discoveries might be in the form of training classes he attended, ..more

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Shyness affects just about everyone under certain situations. While most people cope reasonably well with occasional shyness, there are some who live in a personal prison, unable to reach out and make friends or relate positively to others. Being shy at work can severely limit work effectiveness, unless of course, you work generally on your own with little or no contact with others.

Shy people present themselves at work in many varied ways. There is the quiet wallflower who fades into the background and is not often noticed. At the opposite extreme, there is the raging extrovert who can be loud, aggressive and abrasive, but who finds it difficult to relate on an intimate level to others. In between, there are many other people, such as the knocker, the person who knocks or degrades others. ..more

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Practical confrontation skills

Being able to stand up to people and speak firmly and constructively to them, is a valuable skill in handling problem people. If you tend to fume and walk away from a confrontation muttering to yourself, ‘I wish I had said . . . !! to that*O#!’, then you need confrontation skills.

Constructively confronting people is a communication strategy which allows you to speak your mind and represent your feelings in a direct way. It is not a strategy of name calling or aggressive outbursts. ..more

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With reference to a particular person X at work, do you frequently

• Wake up in the morning and immediately think ‘Oh no, I’ve got to face X again today’?
• Store anger throughout the day about X?
• Find yourself frequently in conflict with X?
• Experience jealousy about others‘ ability to get on with X?
• Back away from confrontations with X and then get angry at
  yourself because of your inability to act appropriately?

• Disagree or have arguments with your boss, who unfortunately is X? ..more
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Harmonious and productive working relationships exist primarily because the needs of the individuals in the work team are being met. For some, there may be a need to remain quiet and removed so that they can get on with their work. For others, however, there may be a need to forge closer ties and warmer relationships with workmates. As long as the aims of the employing body are being met, then these varying needs of the work team members can be tolerated.

Problems occur, however, when this reciprocating system of need/satisfaction gets unbalanced. If one or more people want to satisfy needs which are outside the aims of the employing body or antagonistic to the other work team members, then problems occur. For example, if one person wants to manipulate the work schedule to ensure more flexitime at the expense of the others, then that person can expect some resultant turmoil in the group. As work team members often spend more time with each other than they do with their own family members, it is important to maintain positive and effective work relationships. Let’s look at several ways relationships at work can be enhanced and made more harmonious and productive. ..more

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At risk of dwelling upon the negativities of relationships, it is important to consider two very strong and most upsetting emotional states—hate and jealousy.

Most of us have experienced hate (many loving relationships have a subtle or not-so-subtle hate component). As for jealousy, you will most probably know someone, if not yourself, who is predisposed to this strong emotional state.

Let me briefly mention the case of Michael, an architectural draughtsman who is married to Lisa. Michael comes from a close-knit Southern European family and married Lisa, an attractive Australian lass, when they were both in their early twenties and when both were socially and sexually inexperienced. Even though Michael is bright, well-qualified and successful in his job, he nevertheless is pathologically jealous of his wife and any association she might have with other men. ..more

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Love and hate are potent feelings which can overwhelm you, often just when your emotions can least afford the upset. For example, how often have you experienced the following situations?

• Feelings of love interfere with your concentration at work.
• You love (and sometimes hate) a person who doesn’t love you.
• You hate your boss or a colleague.
• You’re jealous of the attention given to a person you love.
• You love a person working nearby, but fear acting upon your feelings.
• You were in a relationship until yesterday when your partner said, Enough! ..more
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In terms of your advancement, promotion (or stagnation) and general welfare at work, the most important person outside of yourself is your boss. The relationships between bosses and their employees can be: close to distant, warm to cool, authoritarian to democratic, and open to closed, to name but a few relevant dimensions.

This could be devoted to the complexities of the boss-worker relationships, but there are two aspects which the worker would be well-advised to foster—trust and respect. ..more

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